NOTE: The Wonder Botanica Pop-up ends today. If you wanna see what I think about my favourite things that are left in stock you can watch my IG video HERE. I’d recommend stocking up on Rose & Sandalwood oil, Cactus Rose mist, She., Trust., Beloved., and there are a few Forest soaks left too (they’re freaking incredible! GRAB them while you can!). I’ll shut the shop down in about 8 hours to focus on shipping.

Other note: If you live in the UK or Europe, please read my PS at the bottom of this email :).

How I met my Sprit Guides

My work has been evolving. Again. I haven’t really talked much about my life over the last couple of years. Brene Brown, in one of her talks about vulnerabilty, says that it’s only really helpful to share after the fact. If you share during the processing phase, it’s a bit like turning a fire hose on people. I agree with this. But also, I’m just a deeply private, [pathologically] secretive person.

I’d also like to be clear in advance (this is maybe the most British I’ve ever been with you) that I am not looking for sympathy or anything like that. It’s been a while, I’m happy (better than ever maybe?), and sympathy gives me hives :).

Anyway. This is a story about how my work is evolving, and it starts with the fact that a year and a half or so ago, my 18 year marriage completely dissolved. It felt like it was almost overnight, going from blissfully happy, to ‘what the hell is happening’ to ‘divorcing’. I was wrecked by it. I don’t think anything has ever taken me down so fast or so far, unraveled me to the core of my being like that.

I’d like to preface all of what comes next by saying that I have a *lot* of training in the world of energy. Many, many years of studying under some of the most incredible teachers, learning how to see, move, and communicate with the energetic world that underlies everything in physical existence. The energy world, to me, has been more real than physical reality for a long time. Until, that is, something bad happens, and physical reality comes crashing through, and then, like for most of us, there’s little else that I can focus on.

Part of the devastation was that I had thought everything was good. Then, in the space of a couple of days, there was an absolute dismantling of everything I knew. I felt betrayed by the Universe: what the hell is the point of being so energetically connected if you can’t avoid life’s slings and arrows? My trust was shattered.

The feeling of not being able to trust the universe is intolerable to me. If you think about it, it creates a barrier between you and the universe. When shit happens, trust is the first thing to disappear. For me, the process of healing is the process of re-opening to this trust. But also, re-opening to this trust is the thing that allows everything else to fall into context, and often just shortcuts the entire process.

One of my friends up here does Spirit Guide work. She’s not only the real deal, but she’s INCREDIBLY talented (this is her IG). She’d come over and her Spirit Guides would talk to me. Every time she did, first of all, I felt SO much better- like I had a perspective on the situation that calmed me down because I was able to see my own life in a bigger context. But on top of that, every time her guides would talk, my brain would fill with white noise. Like an old TV between channels- full of static.

I walked every day. It was all I could do- I wasn’t really capable of more complex tasks, so I walked. For miles. I walked, I cried, and I talked to the universe, in the only way I knew how, which was out loud, hoping for answers. Looking for some sort of way to understand why this betrayal had happened (something other than ‘shit happens’ which, while true, didn’t feel good: I needed MEANING).

Then, one day, I got home from a walk, and sat down to have a cup of tea. I was in a slightly different state of mind; I think my heart had started to soften a bit again. I felt an energetic presence in front of me (see above, re: years of training!). It started washing soothing energy over my body. Then I asked it a question and it answered. I asked another, and it answered that. I don’t know how long we stayed there like that- I asked the same questions over and over in different ways, and by the time I was done, I felt really, really good.

I want to be clear that I didn’t feel like I knew what was happening, or that I was getting my way. I just felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that really good things were unfolding even if it looked like it was utter shit in that moment. The general message was something like ‘this is a hard course-correct. You do not get to see the end result.’

This good feeling lasted about 4 days. Then I started getting scared again. So I tried to get it back- basically repeating everything I’d done that first day. It came back! I spent hours there, asking questions about life. By the time we were done, I was, once again, feeling an embodied sense of being in the right place and time, and that everything was working out perfectly. I started going back every morning. The easiest way for me to communicate with it was to ask yes/no questions– I felt the answers like a pulse in my body (left side yes right side no). Every now and then, after enough Yes or No-ing, it would send a chunk of energy that I could interpret very easily. Their energy language just made sense to me. That’s how we communicated for about a month.

After a while, it stopped feeling like a singular presence, and started feeling more like a collective presence. A group of beings. The more I got to know it, the more I was able to see that it’s not something outside me, but something more like the larger part of who I am (just as yours are the larger part of who you are). As if we, humans, the ‘I’ that we think of as the self, is actually just the fingertip of the body of energy that is truly us. We are actually multitudinous beings, and the larger part of our own energy is right here. We just don’t know how to connect with it, or hear it. In fact we’ve been taught to not trust it for most of our lives, in favour of rationality and 5-year plans (blech!).

It’s there though. It’s moving in a trajectory through life. It’s us but more than us as individuals. It flows through our entire body (this is complicated, but our physical bodies are actually simply a physical expression of this energy), but sorta converges most strongly at the heart. This larger energy is like a river of energy, that’s your energy. It is flowing in a direction that is an embodiment or expression of your deepest, biggest wants and desires (your wants and desires are an expression of this energy– it’s what we’re here for, to express and create and move the universe in new directions).

You know that feeling of having a potential that you don’t want to waste? For many of us this is our greatest fear– dying without having truly lived. Dying without having ever fully come close to fulfilling our potential. This energy is that potential. We think of ‘living up to our potential’ as ‘achievements’, but it’s not. The feeling that we seek when we want to live up to our potential is actually the feeling of living as one with this larger energy/ larger trajectory. Allowing it, communicating with it, living in relationship to it. This is the feeling of ‘purpose’ and ‘living up to potential’ that so many of us long for.

Every morning we’d talk, I’d ask questions, and they’d answer. After a while, they started showing me energy, and different ways to navigate through life. Every time, I’d feel like I was in the right place, and my sense of trust in the unfolding deepened even more. I didn't know the answers, but it was all okay. I didn't know what was going to happen, but whatever was going to happen would be great. Synchronicities started happening. I started being able to ask their advice in the moment, as I was making decisions, or as I was navigating situations. They were always right. Sometimes their suggestions would be wild; I got to the point where I trusted them so implicitly that I did it anyway.

It was one of the worst times of my life, and yet I was developing this connection that was perhaps the best thing that had ever happened to me. Old wounds were coming to the surface, and in the flow of this connection, were getting put back together differently. For example, a core abandonment wound, through re-connecting to this larger energy, no longer existed as a driving force in my life anymore (I will write more about this another time, because it was a deeply life-changing reconfiguration of Self).

One day they started suggesting that I try this with other people. This was a hilarious time: my friends and family basically had to ask me yes/no questions for about 15 minutes until I was able to get going. I had no idea what I was saying once I got going (on my side, it feels like I’m just in such direct connection, they’re showing me these chunks of energy and I’m ‘translating’ them into words, but I’m much more connected to the energy world than the physical so I barely remember anything that’s happening).

They started having the same kinds of things happen as me! Synchronicities and things lining up just right, and being able to connect to an inner guidance that hadn’t been there before. In sessions, their own larger energy stream would show them how to stay connected, or re-connect. When they actually did it (this is key- you have to actually do it), utter magic would happen.

So, I started practicing with more people. For most people, the feeling is so familiar, that it just brings this wash of relief. Something like ‘how could I have forgotten this?!’. Now I’m here. Doing this more and more as my work, freaking LOVING what is emerging: how many people are learning to connect to their own larger energy fields and live in the feeling of fulfilling potential/ living their purpose. I feel like everything I’ve been doing for the last 15 years or so has led to this point, and that this was what was actually underneath it all. I’m not sure where it’s going, but I don’t think that knowing the big picture is important right now.

I’m telling this story for two reasons. The first being that, from the worst thing, something incredible emerged, and I can’t imagine being anywhere else now. So, if you’re in the muck, keep going. Good things can come, and often do. Sometimes life hits you with a hard restart. The second is that I just sorta transitioned to doing this stuff but never really talked about it (see above: secretive and private). But I wanted to share more about it and where it came from. If you’re interested in a session, you can book in here. If you’re interested in doing longer 1:1 work to learn how to connect with your own and live this way, I have one spot for mentorship available (hit reply and email me if you want it).

I’ve got so much more to say on the topic but this is getting long, so I’ll tell you more in another email, another time.

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Big hugs,

Rebecca

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ps. I’m going to be in the UK for a couple of months at the end of the summer and would LOVE to give sessions in person while there. Are you in London or Somerset (I’ll be between both places), and would you like a Guide session :). Also possibly Berlin for a few days in late August!

pps. UK and Euro people, if you’re wanting to buy stuff in the pop-up but are cringing over the fees and stuff, email me.

ppps. If you made it this far, thanks! ha!