I went to the garden centre with my friend the other day. She told me a story as she drove, about the bidet she’d just installed. She thought the heated seat was broken because she kept pushing the button to turn it on, but it remained cold to the touch.

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Sheepishly, she said ‘you know, I went back and re-read the instruction manual to figure out what I’d done wrong. It says right there that you need to sit on it for it to heat up. So I did. And it did.’

We both laughed. Then I looked out the window at the sage blossoms waving in the breeze, and thought about this some more.

It’s silly perhaps, because it involves toilet seats, but there is an energetic truth here.
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This life of commitment to the heart path involves deep trust. Unbelievable trust. A form of surrender that is terrifying to anyone who isn’t called to it (it’s terrifying to those of us who are called to it too, but we couldn’t NOT be here).

The thing you’re trusting is the unnameable, intangible form of connection to something bigger than yourself as it flows through you. The thing you’re trying to see past is all the evidence in the physical world that sends your brain down paths that lead you further and further from your heart path.

Evidence in the real world, when it isn’t giving visual and recognizable signs that things are moving swiftly in the direction of our choosing, sends us all into a panic.

It’s like touching the toilet seat with your finger and saying, ‘See, it’s cold. The universal flow of energy that is inherently good doesn’t come around here to THIS toilet. I KNEW it!’

These are the moments when our old patterns rush back in: we see the physical world evidence then our brains go ‘don’t worry I’ll take it from here. Allow me to remind you of how shitty you can feel in life if you really put your mind to it.’

Our brains will convince us that we’re not good. That someone isn’t going to call back. That the thing we desperately want isn’t going to happen. That scarcity is reality. That we are crazy for wanting whatever this unnameable thing is that we all want. It will present the evidence (or lack of evidence) to us over and over, while we try and ‘fix’ the problem with our minds.
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​A loop that goes back to the same underlying belief over and over again: because things do not appear to be going my way, the universe is NOT actually inherently trustworthy after all.

It happens to me all the time, and I TEACH this stuff, for goodness sake!

I’d been staring at my own evidence that day: something I really want, that is a huge unknown, had been leaving my nervous system in tatters. I was trying not to think about it.
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​I was, of course, thinking about it.

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As I sat there thinking about that damn toilet seat, it hit me. ‘OH MY GOD, I have to SIT ON THE TOILET SEAT!’

‘Yeah that’s what I just said.’

‘BUT IN LIFE! YOU HAVE TO SIT ON THE TOILET SEAT.’

Used to me, she laughed.

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I started wondering: what is sitting on the toilet seat, energetically speaking. Universally speaking. How do you sit on the toilet seat when you want something to happen and all you can do is feel anxiety and scan for evidence that it’s happening (only to be met repeatedly by no heat. No light saying it’s on. Nothing.)?

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I felt for the mistrust in my body. Deep in my heart, where I’d been bracing against the unknown. Sitting on the toilet seat, energetically, is allowing the energy to flow before there is evidence of anything going the way you want it to. It’s saying ‘ok I trust you even though I can’t see anything.’

That trust is a physical softening. An energetic allowing. A letting go of control. Embodied surrender. ​
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This is the nature of this path: the process of learning to trust more and more deeply. The process of learning to ignore physical reality more and more, to stay connected to that intangible place.

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-No, I will not go down that path. I know where it goes and it’s not helpful.

-No, I will not try and sort this out with my mind right now— it’s never actually worked before.

-Yes, I will soften in my belly and heart, and gently let the universe flow back into my body.

-I will choose to trust, even though it’s not looking how I want it to look.

-I’ll choose to trust, not because I need it to go the way I want it to, but because this is the path I’ve chosen, and trust feels better.

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Touching the seat and looking for proof is saying ‘I’ll trust you when I know it’s all working out’.

Sitting on the damn seat is saying ‘I trust that it’s working out regardless of what happens, so I’ll surrender my control.’

Leting the world in before it’s given you any reason to trust it is the bravest thing. It’s also the key to the heart-path. It’s why we’re all out here on the edge feeling a little raw, a little terrified, a little like we’re on an emotional rollercoaster, and a whole lot of magic.
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Consider this your manual:

Sit down first.

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Big hugs,

Rebecca

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ps. Sessions! I have a few appointments available for 1:1 sessions in the next couple of weeks. You can read about them and sign up HERE.

pps. I haven't done this in over a year, but I'm opening up my books for 2 long-term clients. What does that look like? It's a space where I support you in aligning yourself with your own energy, and learning to live that path. Everything I talk about in these emails? it's that. With support, guidance, and feedback to keep you on your path long-term. It's especially useful if you're approaching, or are in a life transition-- if you're trying to figure out how to make that transition something that's deeply aligned with your true heart path. If you're interested, hit reply and we can discuss.

ppps. SAVE THE DATE: May 15th is the next Wonder Botanica online pop-up.

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